| Location | Central Delivery Suite, James Cook University Hospital, Middlesbrough |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Natural Causes |
| Date of Birth | 03/12/2008 |
| Date of Death | 03/12/2008 |
| Visitors | 2,268 since 04/12/2008 |
| Creator |
Silently born on 3 December 2008, weighing just 6oz and small enough to fit in daddy's hand. Ben
was a much wanted and much loved son of Denise and Gary and a precious baby brother of Gemma and
Garry. You were a miracle Ben and we wanted you so much darling but you couldn't stay. To hold
you in our arms for a brief time was a precious gift and we'll always remember and treasure those
moments. Sleeping with the Angels above because that's what you are, night night little one, sweet
dreams. Mammy and daddy love you dearly and always will. Hugs and kisses little Ben from your
big sister Gemma and your big brother Garry. xxxx
It's been one week
Our baby boy, it's 2.30pm and one week since your 'day', since we had to leave you. I'm still feeling like I abandoned you even though I know I didn't. We miss you more each day that passes and you're always in our thoughts.
Your Crimbo present came this morning. It's a cherished teddy called Benjamin, surrounded by his toys but he's holding an elephant, exactly as you were our angel. I'm going to wrap it for you and one of us will unwrap it for you on Crimbo day.
I can't wish you were here to open your pressies because you should still be in my tummy, not yet born. But I do wish you were still here, breathing, kicking and growing.
Enjoy Christmas up in Heaven with all your family and we'll try and enjoy it down here. Until we hold you in our arms once more, all we can do is send you our love and hope you feel how much you're loved.
All our kisses, hugs and cuddles now and forever, your mummy, daddy, sister and brother xxxx
Hello sweetheart, just want you to know I'm thinking of you. Started wrapping the presents today for Gemma and your daddy. Had your picture with me while I was doing them, but it couldn't replace you. How I wish you were still with us Ben, growing inside me, kicking me. I only ever felt you kick twice and I glowed with love when you did. Sometimes my body plays cruel tricks on me by making my tummy twinge. It feels like you kicking and for a second I forget and think it's you. But then reality kicks me in the teeth and sadness overwhelms me. People say it'll get easier as time goes by but how can missing your baby get easier. The only way it could get easier is by forgetting and that'll never happen. I want to be able to go out and buy you presents Ben and wrap them and to buy presents for your family from you. I only ever got to buy you 2 presents and they weren't wrapped and I only got to put them in your tiny casket. I'll never see you open them or any others. I feel so empty and numb without you. Christmas is only 6 days away and your sister and brother are really excited. I must put on a happy face for them, it's not fair to spoil their excitement. Sit on your cloud my beautiful Angel, look down on us and send your love so that we know you are with us today and always. Be safe my sweet one and know that our love is yours today, tomorrow and always. Your family xxxx
MY CHILD FOREVER XX
We never had the chance to play, to laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now And listen to you giggle.
I'll always be your mother. He'll always be your dad.
You will always be our child, The child we never had.
But now you're gone.. but yet you're here. We'll sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy. There's love in every tear.
Just know our love goes deep and strong We'll forget you never.
The child we had, but never had, And yet will have forever xxx
MY SHOES XX
A pair of shoes
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child. XX
Hello my baby boy, have just been to your big sister's carol service. It was really nice but at times I wished you could hear it from inside me, instead of from up in Heaven. Away In A Manger nearly killed me but I got through it. At the end they turned all the lights off and all the girl choir, including Gemma, walked down the centre carrying Christingles (oranges with a lit candle in the centre). It's always made me cry because it's so moving to see all these candles, it's magical, but this time even more so. Your daddy held me as silent tears slid down my cheeks. I tried not to let Gemma see but I'm sure she did. All I could think of was you my sweetheart. I love you with all my heart and soul Ben and just wish I could tell you and show you. Always your mummy xxxx
The hardest day of all
My sweet baby, nothing could have prepared me for today. I thought the day I gave birth to you was difficult but at least I had you in my arms. Today we had to say farewell to you and leave you alone. That was the hardest part of all, leaving you behind. It tore my heart to shreds leaving you there, I just wanted to run back and bring you back home. No matter how many times I told myself that we were just leaving your body and that your spirit is with us constantly, it didn't help.
Seeing your daddy sob with sadness left me helpless. There's nothing I could do except hold him, holding you. We would've given absolutely anything not to have had to leave you.
Now everyone's gone home and we're left here alone without you. All we have are our memories in our hearts and on our walls. And the knowledge, even though it's hard to remember at the moment, that you're with us constantly.
We love you Ben, always have and always will.
Always your mummy and daddy xxxx
SO SORRY XX
SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS , HES SO BEAUTIFUL, MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS WILL BE WITH YOU TOMORROW, MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL XXX
An Angel in the book of Life
Wrote down our baby's birth
And whispered as she closed the book
Too beautiful for Earth.
We may never know why you couldn't stay Ben, and that'll be one of the hardest things. We wonder what you would've looked like as you grew. I have to accept that I'll never hear your cry or whimper, never hear you say 'mammy' or 'daddy'. I wish I could've held you in my arms and smelt your baby smell. Just know that we love you Ben and always will, totally and unconditionally. You will always be in our hearts and thoughts. All our love, cuddles and kisses, mummy and daddy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
For my precious Ben
I saw a bright star tonight and these words came through for you.
The brightest star in the night sky
On a fluffy cloud way up high
Our precious son looks down from above
Wrapped in his Angel Wings
Wrapped in our love
Ben.....
You're forever in our hearts
Never far from our thoughts
And our love for you is neverending
Miss you sweetheart
Mammy and daddy xxxxxxxxx
Christmas
Hiya baby,
Me, daddy, Gemma and Garry have just put the decorations up. I didn't know if it was right to put them up before your funeral but everyone said we should. How I wish that you were here physically so I can share it all with you. I know you're here in spirit and that has to be enough. I talk to you constantly and now even daddy shares his thoughts with you. I miss you terribly my darling, miss you kicking me but most of all I miss knowing that you can hear me talking to you and that you're growing inside me. If I could have one thing this Christmas it would be to have you back in my tummy, growing as you should be and totally healthy. Instead I have the knowledge that you're watching from above and that I'll see you again one day. I'm sorry sweetheart for being so upset at the moment, it's just that I'm aching for you. I love you unconditionally, your mammy xxxx
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